Secrets.

This isn't going to be about my deepest secrets. Or any of my actual secrets. And I'm not going to reveal anything that anyone has told me. But there are just some I need to get out of my system.

• I spent my first year of college collecting songs to fit all my moods. Tonight my itunes let me down. Because I need more meaningful songs.
  
• On Friday, June 4, I won't want to do anything. But the one thing I will want to do I won't have the guts to go do.
• I am an emotional roller coaster. I like to blame it on my hormones. But I have this fear that it is something more serious.
  
• I loathe every girl who dances with her dad at her weddings. Only because I am jealous because I don't have that opportunity.
• I leave my room dirty because I believe that if someone broke into my room to harm me my massive amounts of clothes would help prevent them from doing so.
  
• I hate sleeping with my closet doors open because I still believe that monsters live in there.
• I stay busy so I don't have to think, but when everything dies down I cry for days because everything I avoided thinking about comes back to haunt me.
• I over think everything to the point where I doubt most decisions I make.
  
• I'm finally not doing what everyone expects of me because what they expect isn't me anymore.
  
• I have always wanted to move far away, or runaway. The only thing that is stopping me is fear.
  
• My sister, who is now a mother, is now one of my heroines.
• I want stability, loyal, and compassion in a man. Sometimes I think I would rather buy a dog.
  
• I used to trust everyone, but now I am scared to trust anyone.
  
• I used to be able to accept compliments without hesitation about it being true. But one comment behind my back made my self confidence dive down.
  
• My first college paper was a description paper on the "me that no one knows" I didn't know what to write until now. I know that I am insecure.
  
• My favorite summertime activity is to sit on my front porch and just sit and do nothing else.
  
• I read as much as I do because the books are better than reality.
  
• I wish a boy would write a song about me.
  
• I love to camp. But I claim that I hate it because I used to love going camping with my dad.
  
• I am a classic romantic.
  
• I miss my best friends terribly, and I regret letting boys come in and ruining our relationship.
  
• I love the song "Everything" by Lifehouse because the lyrics represent the love I want to have in my future.
• I love saying goodbye to missionaries, because I know when they come home will be one of the best days in my life.
  
• I catch myself hating technology because we have lost simplicity in the world.
• I miss my dad more than anyone really knows.
• When I hurt the people I love -- my body makes itself sick
• .This is the love I want.
  

I am human. What can I say? I mean, I have emotions, sometimes too many. Now these secrets aren't harmful or destructive to myself. But it opens a part of me that I usually do not allow many to see. Because I am scared.
Love, Elora