Decisions Decisions

Anyone that knows me knows that I do not make decisions well. I actually panic for months and then my body gets stressed and warn out and I don't feel like making the decisions that I need to do. Like today I was talking to my mother about next year for school. And I started to panic, because I want to further my education down at Snow because I love it. I also let slip to my mother that it is basically impossible to get a pharm. tech. job down here in Sanpete County. So she brought up the idea of transferring to another school to finish my associates. But I don't like that idea because I don't think that I would be able to afford it. And I also know that I am down at Snow college for a reason. That reason is yet for me to determine but I think I need to stay down here. She also said maybe taking a year off from school and just work and save. Its a great idea. Because there are about 30 jobs in Salt Lake City for a pharmacy technician. And it is only thirty minutes from Tooele, which is great! But I would have to live at home. I don't want to live at home. I like being on my own. Its my first step away from my mother and I always told her that when I moved out I would stay out. Another reason I don't want to be at home is because in Tooele I have way to many problems with certain boys. One of the boys I need to cut out of my life but he is persistent to stay in my life. And so he is driving me absolutely bonkers. SO I have no idea what I am supposed to do. And every one I confide in tells me that it is my choice and that I need to go to the Lord to get where he would like me to go. I will, with all my heart, I will. But I find waiting for the answer to be difficult, and at times I do not like where the Lord wants me to go. Right now I am up for getting in my car and running away. I like that decision. But my heart continues to tell me to stay where I am.
Where am I though? And I know these are minute decisions in my life. Once I learn to solve the small ones then maybe when I get to the big decisions I will be better at making decisions. I just wish I knew what God had in store for me. I want the best thing for me. But when I ask for advice I get the conflicts of interest. I just need a totally neutral friend to talk to. Unfortunately, I don't have ,many that I can think of. I mean I have one, but she is in Hawaii. And the other is married and expecting a son, but he is no where near neutral since he knows way to much about me. Which is very irritating. However, he does get me thinking and sometimes I need him to get me thinking on the right track.
Nobody really knows what goes on in my head anymore. I used to be such an open book to everyone except myself. So somewhere in my life I lost that. And now I'm closed and you need a password to get in. Yet, nobody will be getting in anytime soon. I think that if I just open myself up again that I might be able to make my decisions. Love you.
Elora.